Voices

Two days after Christmas. Driving home from eating with family. Cars are driving by; everyone in a hurry to get somewhere. One car in particular catches our attention. A lady, entering the highway going the wrong direction. Does she not know? Honking the horn, pulling over, trying to stop her. She procedes out into traffic, never turning. Cars swerve and shes out of sight. Everyone in the car thinks its ignorance, but is it? More and more are resorting to this form of suicide. It's a wake up call for me. How trivial and easy life is to take.

Now back to today I am drowning in work that I have yet to do. Work that I dont want to do, but this is teaching me the ways to grow up I guess. Looking back to history makes me cringe at my country. But more importantly at humanity.

Promise

There are certain aspects when I look at myself that I hate. You always know whats there looking back at you but you run and hide from it, avoiding the unavoidable. I look at pictures of before, then, and now and I see exactly what I started with almost four years ago only grown up and matured. I hate it. I hate every aspect of what I see. I dont want to do this again and I wont do that again, I'll just have to do it differently. Tis the season to make changes. Im older and at an age where I shouldnt look to others to fix my insecurities. I'll fix them myself and turn out happier. If I look at myself and hate what I see than why run away and not fix the problem?

Birthday party for a friend

Soft drinks and mixed feelings. I don't understand what I think. My mind spins and I cant control it. On normal terms I wouldn't think this way. It is moments like this, feelings like this that make me know my future. I can see what I will become. Attracted prematurely to the lovely rich colors in those bottles. Its not the taste but the feeling. The smell and aroma of what those and others like it do to me, what they make me feel. It is as though only with that help can I actually be myself.

Anyway, tonight there was great laughter, music played by a man who lived for it, and wonderful company that I could not trade for anything else. I wish I could have stayed longer.

Now I am home- alone and feeling everything wearing off. Sleep offers a great alternative.

Chopin

"Let me tell you a story," she says. Her words came out but her lips didn't move. She never seemed to care what others thought. The all-loving woman. To others of course. She lived a life of appearances, but she came alive behind closed doors.

Many writers write about the sea. The enveloping waves that will wash over and take you without a trace. How inviting they are, those cold dark waves. It is their inviting appearances that draw one out, far out, until a second decision or a doubt will not matter. That feeling came too late. All that is left to do is to inhale and succumb to the wishes of the waves. Sinking far down, you hear the sirens song, gently calling you closer to the floor of the sea. You give yourself over to temptation and longing and you fall and float into this new world. Like all good things, this to is short, for your life blood and human capabilities cannot survive in this new world. Your body is finally one with the ocean, although you yourself are lost in some white abyss.

New beginnings

I have created this blog to record my days in such a way as to be a story. In conclusion, this is a blog for my writings. I hope for this to be a place where ideas will flow and where words become fluid. To those who dont know me, and to those who do, my entries will probably not be comprehensible. I guess thats how I think.