Balance act

What is it with moving? Is it the newness or the unknown element that makes me both excite and shy away at the thought? I move in a couple of days. Moving away to college. So final it all seems. Here lately I find myself always asking the question: what happens to those who wait? Who neither want to move forward into the "real world" and find themselves a reflection of an older person they do not like. But it is impossible in the schemes of time to stay where I am; neither a child nor an adult but struggling to keep the perfect balance. I feel cheated out of a childhood that I want back. I don't want to "grow up" become "educated" and be thrust out into a catapult of expectations that I don't know if I can meet. I can barely wrap my mind around the idea of what do I want to be? For you see its not just about want but meant, what am I meant to be. What do I feel is right. When asking oneself this question I can see all the things I could have been but now can never be and the things I could only hope for but am halted, struggled by the normalises of my own self. I have no idea what to do, except pack, for that is the only action I can take. I'd love to run away, far far away, where I am not known and start a new life. But I feel regrets would follow me in that decision no matter how much a part of my soul wants it.