It's his birthday and..

I finished all my work! Agh, can you believe it? Now, I'm not going to think about the nauseating large amount of reading I have to do over the weekend and that half of the work I completed today was late work. Positivity right? Right......

Well on that positive note (sarcasm) my dog died. After having her since I was eight she died today. Her kidneys and pancreas were failing and she had lost all control of her bowels. On top of that she was diabetic. So, my parents had to have her put to sleep. What makes me sad is that I wasn't there. When my cat had to be put to sleep, I insisted on being in the room and watch as she died. I didn't want the last thing she saw to be unfamiliar faces laying on a cold lab table. So I petted her as she died. I just would've liked to have been there to say goodbye.

This has not been a good week, couple of weeks, but strangely right now I'm not upset. I think after having drained so much out of my self these last two weeks, I'm out of emotions to feel. I hate highs and lows and in between's and how they repeat themselves. I noticed when I was too young to be noticing these things that it is all a circle.

And this leaves me to the question that I ask quite often: Where did I lose my childhood? I reflect back and I can only remember being free and feeling alive when I was outside. I know it was short, no matter how much others tried to preserve it. I think it was the fact that everyone tried to hide things from me because I was so young that I grew up faster. I knew anyway and not telling me only shows a sense of defeat at the characteristics of humans. A sense of defeat in myself. For how was I ever supposed to understand?