To drink is to...

I had a weekend away. In a hotel room in Orlando. Where did I go though? I will never know. I suffer from anxiety and depression which I refuse to treat, so on a daily basis an equilibrium is something I can barely try to achieve. I know I cannot drink. Past addictions should tell me so. But I do anyway. I do, and oh how I did. I am still recovering from the depression drinking gives me. It puts me in a frame of mind not worth going for. When I drink I see myself, magnified. I see myseflf under a magnifying glass in the spot light of my mind and what I see I do not like. Plus as a personality trait contradicting my feelings I am a very physical drunk who wants someone there and wants to be alone. I am in a relationship. But I insisted on having a friend, whose relationship with myself is complicated, stay with me the whole night. And I told him everything. How I think. All thats happened to me. I told him things I have never told anyone- no one- I told him things I have just recently figured out for myself. It hurts that I did this. I feel exposed and my feelings violated. But I did this. Whats worse is now I feel a bond to him; something ties us together that we only know. Now when I speak, he knows most all my secrets. He knows them all. I haven't even told my boyfriend these things. And that hurts. These things are something I want him to know but how, when I am so ashamed. I know in a sober mind I would never have told anyone, but I won't use drunk as an excuse. I feel exposed, he knows of my sadness, and he honestly thought I would kill myself. How do I show my face to that sober?